Overcoming hurt
Greetings Beloved Ones! Recently I was inspired to write out some keys I have learned in overcoming hurts. I pray you are blessed by them and doing well!
Extend Mercy and Forgiveness - If you have been hurt by others, the first step is to forgive them (or even yourself or God if that is where your offense lies). I do not really see this as an option if we want to live a rich life in Christ. However many times it takes, keep doing it, there is so much victory here even if you do not feel it in the moment, it has happened and is happening (see forgiveness prayer below).
Take Responsibility - It’s ok to say you’ve been hurt by other’s actions however take responsibility for your heart after the hurt. Blaming others or pointing the finger for hurting you is not going to ease the pain or help you overcome (the focus should shift from hurt to healing with God). You are not a victim nor are you helpless. You are a powerful person who can choose to take steps to heal and overcome. Many times the hurt stems from our own insecurity but even when someone else wrongfully hurts you, you can choose to let the hurt lead to offense or freedom (I understand if it feels like it goes deep, keep pursuing the peace of the Lord - it will come). Use the hurt as an invitation into the loving healing hands of God. I truly believe in every hurt there is an invitation into deeper understanding of the perfect beauty and love of the Father in a way that we did not know it before. At the same time, I also believe with every hurt the enemy is trying to speak a lie into our identity or relationships. Resist and stand strong against anything that contradicts the words of the Father that say you are “loved, cherished, honored, worthy of deep, healthy & meaningful relationship”. There is no need to take up an offense, withhold love or put up walls so that you will not get hurt again. Be wise with where you share your heart, make sure it is a safe and trusting environment. Be open to course correction, trust the Lord to protect and guide you.
Stay humble and stay away from judging or justifying - we also do not want to go on the other side of the spectrum and justify or judge other’s actions. There is great peace in sometimes knowing that we do not always know why things happen the way that they do. If the Lord gives you specific wisdom and insight, praise Him, there is great peace in that too, declare it and pray into it. I have found freedom in realizing “weak love is still real love”. As I come to understand that the Lord sees me this way, He loves the process and is not looking for perfection in me - I can see others this way. I believe the Lord delights in every glance I give to Him and He receives it as love that I have to give at that time without being discouraged that it wasn't more. Though we are all weak in our love, we still have real love to give and offer to others. We can receive it knowing that is what they have to give at that moment and be hopeful that it will grow and mature. This real love displayed through people is still His Love.
Extend Love and Blessings - we all need it and we need each other. Just as God has extended His Love to us, keep it flowing outward to others. Do not dismiss people for any reason. Keep loving. Keep blessing those who hurt you (even if it is from a distance for a time to allow healing to take place, boundaries are respectful in times of healing). Blessing those who have hurt you is a radical act of love and I have seen it free hearts. Deep hurt can lead to deep joy in the future.
Stand Strong - When you gain freedom, stand your ground - do not come back into agreement with hurt or lies. As you gain freedom and become entrusted with other’s stories and hearts, you can now bring comfort through empathy and testimony but not by validating the feelings or gossiping about others (these lines can seem blurry at times but be conscious and aware). Once you have let go of your hurt, you do not want to take up someone else’s for the sake of false justice. Jesus died for me, He was enough to help me and He is enough to help others. He is the only One who can truly sympathize with our weakness and situation. We get to lead people to the Father through our testimony and shine the light of Christ through what great things He has done.
Press delete and move on - After steps have been taken of forgiveness and responsibility, do not re-play in your mind mistakes you or others have made - this can become an idol if it consumes your heart or mind. There is no condemnation in Christ and Love does not keep records of wrongs. You have what it takes in Christ to let go and see yourself and others as new again, beautiful, loved, cherished and celebrated.
Submit to the process or choose a different path - If you desire to serve, serve cheerfully and if you cannot do it without bitterness or offense - stop and regroup. Ask the hard questions. Why are you hanging on or letting go? What is God saying? Is this about obedience or choice? Sometimes you need a breakdown in order to breakthrough. In my life I have seen them both work as aspects of surrender. A breakdown helped me see that God was giving me a choice versus desiring my obedience (my confidence is in Him, His works and not my own obedience or works). That was the breakthrough I needed to stop waiting for or trying to follow/obey a perfect script for most profitable living. (I already had the script but I was following it with the goal of perfect obedience instead of partnership. Partnership with His all consuming tender Love meant I was created to be brave and free and empowered to make good meaningful choices. I am a real person with real feelings, real desires and real choices to make - this pleases His heart to watch me be brave with choices in the aspects of life that are unknown). His script is worshiping Him in Spirit and in Truth in all that we do with clean hands and a pure heart. Serve unto the Lord. When you do what is right, there is no fear of authority. You can move on from a hard situation and choose a different path without giving up on God, yourself or people.
Release expectations of what it is supposed to look like - In following the Lord, He leads me many ways through many expressions of Love. If I try to lean into a right-way only-way, I miss Him. I believe we need to show up, with what we have, and who we are, give ourselves to it and then leave the results and outcome to Him. God chooses to use weak and broken people to shine the light of Christ and to reveal His glory. Be the strength to another’s weakness. Community and friendships take time and commitment. Do not give up on people, have hope for them. Stay sober minded, even the best of friends or communities do not owe us anything. Do not hold them accountable to your ideals but uphold your own convictions and ideals, you will do good.
Reconciliation - It is great to have reconciliation with man but in my experience so much greater to have reconciliation with God and to receive His gift in the hurt. I have prayed for reconciliation in my hurts with people and praise God have seen relationships restored however a deeper healing came from receiving the heart of the Father, not necessarily the heart of man. Though we want to be right with our brothers, ask forgiveness, forgive and communicate the hurt that happened but lets not end there or wait for reconciliation to receive our healing. When my heart was pure again, without offense, I could love in the measure God was pouring into me, regardless of how I was loved in return.
Gratitude for the Good - Many times these hurts are exactly what we need in order to expose and root out lies in our life. Be thankful for the good God is doing in midst of hurting. You will never be the same, you will be so much stronger against schemes of the enemy and you will grow in your ability to love others well. In the midst of overcoming hurts, God has impacted my heart so deeply with His gratitude and He has made me so brave.
Give to others what you did not get (in relationship) - Do you feel something was taken from you at one time? Or something happened all wrong and all out of order? Jesus is coming again to make all of the wrong things right, Thank you God! Also, right now, through you, He is making the wrong things right again. In that place of lack or injustice, allow the fullness of God to fill you there and then use it as a wellspring of life to flow toward others. If you were hurt by a friend, family, a father or a leader then be the best friend, the best father, family member or leader that you can be (with confidence, joy, freedom and bravery). Give yourselves to being great in the place where you were lacking yet now are filled up with the fullness of the Love of God. You have a great destiny to turn things around, overcome your hurt and help others to encounter His Strong Love.
If you are in a season of being hurt, I have compassion for you. I know it is not easy, it may be the most difficult thing you do in your entire life, to stand strong, to be weak and willing to lean into the Lord. I pray this gives you comfort: it will not last forever, in the end it is so worth it. If you get through this, you can get through anything. Keep going beloved, you can do this! The Lord is with you and He knows it all, friend.
Forgiveness Prayer
Father, in Jesus' name, I pray for those individuals who have hurt me in the past. As an act of my will, I forgive them for what they did. I will not hate them, despise them, or desire that they suffer retribution for their actions. In fact, Lord, I ask You to forgive them and open their eyes so that they will see and know the error of their ways and not hurt others in the way that they hurt me. Draw them close to You, Lord. Minister Your life unto them.
I give You all the hurt and bitterness in my life. I refuse to carry the burden of those past hurts in my heart anymore. Help me, Lord, to cleanse my heart with Your Word. I release the individuals who have hurt me, and I ask You to speak Your blessings upon them. I will no longer live with the suffered wrong. I resist the temptation to pick up or remember the hurts. I will not gossip about what they did or ridicule or attack their character. Instead, I choose to think on Your Word, which tells me to let go of the past and press on toward the prize of Your high calling. I will not let the pain of my past rob me of the promise of my future.
Thank You, Lord, for freeing me from my past. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
Scriptures: Matt 6:12, Isaiah 43:18, Philippians 3:13, 14
